Unsaid
by klytaemnestra
Summary: Postwar, slight AU. GinxKira. Implied HisagixKira & GinxRangiku.


**Notes:** Not mine, obviously.

* * *

_Unsaid_

The trial is a brief one, something held only because there are ones among Seireitei who believe in a type of just fairness. The verdict was clear before the charges had been formally laid against Ichimaru Gin. He hadn't spoken a word in his defence and it seems the only thing left was for punishment to be decided and justice dealt as he is taken off to the white tower. Kira Izuru had remained notably absent form the trial, even now not able to speak a word against his former captain despite how savagely he has wrong him. It wasn't his place to decide the fate of another he'd tells Abarai when questioned and his friend presses for no further questions.

It has been ten days since then and Ichimaru remains locked away in the Shine of Penitence to await execution. Kira has sworn he will not go to that place. There is nothing to be said to the man who betrayed him even though there are questions for which he knows he will never receive answers. He stares out a window of the Third Squad administrative office, blue eyes intently set on the spike of towering white washed crimson with the last rays of sunlight. He'll be forever haunted if he doesn't go to his former captain, and yet there are too many old wounds that haven't healed and he find himself reluctant to risk having them reopen. Wouldn't it be easier to simply let the execution pass without incident so that he may finally close this chapter of his life? And yet even now as the sun slips beneath the silhouetted walls Kira knows his resolve is wavering as though the darkness had stolen it away.

He'd always been weaker at night, when Ichimaru would call him to his room and he had been unable to refuse such a sweet proposition. It had never been gentle or possessed a moment of real affection but he always come back. Begged for it some nights as Gin twined a silken web of lies throughout his mind and petted him and told him how loyal he was. It had been the thing he lived for, to hear those words of praise of a job well done; Kira knows that nothing will ever be as it once was. Even now that order has been restored and the others have gone back to their normal duties he is still short a captain even though he pretends it is not so. Foolish to think otherwise now that the war is over and Ichimaru facing death in only a few short hours, but he keeps the office neat and perfect and _waiting_ for his captain's return.

The weeks after Ichimaru-taichou's betrayal Kira had been livid in his moments of sobriety. Charges were laid against Ichimaru's vice-captain for his involvement and though they had been quickly dismissed it seemed as though there were lingering doubts. Matsumoto Rangiku and Hisagi Shuuhei had been there to keep an eye on him. When he had finally found the resolve to return to his normal duties, he began to act as though Gin had not left at all much to the chagrin of Hisagi whom with he had developed a loose form of a relationship, not quite lovers but it was something at least. There were disapproving looks, and words shared between them, but in the end the Ninth Division vice-captain seemed to understand more so than anyone else what he was going through and allowed Kira to continue in this charade pretending that Gin would simply come back and all would return to as it once was. Even now as he watches the first stars form above the tower he wants to believe that Gin isn't locked away there, that he will turn around and find his captain's lazy smile, and at the same time wishes that Gin would go away forever so that he may be at peace. His emotions have been conflicted since this ordeal began and the only certainty he has is the reality of what tomorrow brings.

There's a knock at the door and Kira tilts his head and murmurs a soft welcome. Matsumoto Rangiku slides the door open a moment later and Kira turns to fully look at her. She looks tired, as though these past days events have left her worn and there's a faint discolouration around her eyes as if from recently shed tears. He knows he doesn't have to ask where she has been. For all of what he and his former captain shared, Rangiku has been Ichimaru's truest friend and he acknowledges with a spark of jealous hurt a lover as well. It's a petty jealousy; Gin never loved him, it was always one sided and he doesn't think it should matter now when there's no future left between them.

Rangiku sighs then, 'You should go to him, you know.' Her voice is gently comforting in the strangest of ways despite her words.

'I have nothing to say to him, Matsumoto-san.' It's a lie, he knows that he'll never be at peace if he does not.

'No, perhaps not.' She nods in thoughtful agreement, pausing for a moment before she continues on, 'But, he asks about you, Kira.'

He scoffs, not disbelieving of what she says but the thought that there could be any truth in Ichimaru's words. 'I don't need to make this any harder. I don't think I could bear to look at him again.' Kira turns away. He has seen enough in his last encounter with Gin within the white halls of Las Noches, sword drawn at long last demanding that his former captain fight him. It was a suicidal decision on Izuru's part had Gin not fired a strong cero spell at him, rendering him useless for the remainder of the conflict thus saving himself from a battle he did not wish to fight.

Matsumoto nods again and reached out a hand to rest against the other's shoulder. 'There are things he may wish to say to you, though.' She is not one to pry into private matters, but there was something in Gin's eyes when he requested this favour of her that made her feel certain that perhaps he wanted to at least apologize for the great many wrongs he had committed against his former adjutant. Her smile is a sad one when Kira once more turns to look at her, 'Please, as a vice-captain to a former captain, I think at least you both deserve—'

'He betrayed me!'

She scowls at him, something dangerous in her pale eyes. 'He betrayed me too, Kira. I understand how you feel, but I also know that in staying here you're only going to be hurting yourself.' There would always be lingering questions and things left unsaid. 'At least this way you might find closure. I'd hate to see you haunted by his ghost forever.' She knows this because it is all too real of her own situation. Rangiku knows she'll never be completely free of Gin, but at least this way she will not have as many regrets.

'If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Hisagi-san. He has enough demons of his own.'

The look Kira gives her is wounded. While he has been understanding in all this, it pains him to know that somehow he might be adding to the burden Shuuhei is already carrying in the wake of his own captain's betrayal. Tousen had not survived, though in the end it seems he had realized the error of his ways. In that, at least, Hisagi had found some peace.

'I won't ask you again, Kira Izuru.' Her hand leaves his shoulder as she quietly turns away back through the door and quietly slides it closed.

The moon has risen to it's peak when at last Izuru sets out for the white tower, his guilt finally getting the better of him though he wonders if there isn't some type of masochism in the decision to risk what he might find in facing Ichimaru this final time. Gin had—perhaps though unintentionally—saved his life in Hueco Mundo. He thinks it's that reason alone that he's here now, facing the shrouded guards posted outside where Ichimaru is imprisoned.

'Let me pass.' He orders to one when there is a moment's hesitation. Kira knows what they must be thinking. This is Ichimaru's former vice-captain, the one he manipulated and brainwashed into carrying out his orders, but he has proven himself loyal enough in the aftermath and the guards stand aside.

Ichimaru must be able to feel his reaitsu before he ever steps inside because he is standing and strangely alert like a predator on guard, red eyes glittering in the dim light as they settle on Kira's silhouette framed by a pallor of moonlight. 'Izuru, is that ya?'

Kira steps further inside at the words. 'Yes.' Is his only reply unsure of how to address his former captain now.

'Haven' had many visitors.' Gin steps from the shadows. 'Rangiku's been comin' to see me, tho'. Didn' think ya'd bother.'

To this Kira says nothing, blue eyes downcast.

'This bein' the Shrine a' Penitence, guess I'm supposed to be regrettin' what I did.' Gin states, his face showing the barest hints of a smile. 'But, I dun' guess I do.' Things had been set in motion long before he'd ever met a man named Aizen Sousuke. When Kira again does not answer, Gin continues on. 'Heard they're gonna execute me tomorrow.' It seems a futile attempt to make light of the situation as though he has not been thinking about that impending point of fact.

'I can't save you.' Kira states at last with grim resignation. 'There's nothing I can do.' He'd seen a look in Matsumoto's eyes earlier that had said the same. It was useless to try to believe otherwise.

'I ain't gonna ask ya to.'

It's the type of answer Kira supposes he expects from Gin and yet it doesn't make the reality any less difficult of a thing to grasp. The silence stretches between them, going taut and Kira finds himself questioning his reasoning in coming to this place as his eyes quickly look away from Ichimaru's stare to focus on the far wall. So foolish to come here; he should have never listened to Matsumoto.

It is Gin who finally breaks the silence, his own gaze lowered now, voice almost apologetic as he murmurs, 'I treated ya pretty badly, didn' I?'

Gin's met with more silence though there's a tiny spike in his former vice-captain's reiatsu. The boy's breath stops cold in his throat, eyes finally lifting to look at Gin who graces him with a faint smile. It's no longer the mask he wore for so many years. Gin closes the distance between them seeking out blue eyes and for a moment Kira thinks he might pull him close or brush away the blonde strands from his face, but he maintains a distance, standing on long forgotten protocol.

'Go on, Izuru. Ya shouldn' be here.' Gin knows this better than anyone.

'Taichou ...' It is a slip of formality too inbred to be forgotten, and Gin thinks the boy doesn't even realize what he has said as he hushes Kira.

'Shh.'

He stands there, eyes staring intently at Gin's and he reaches forward, hand fisting in the white of the other's yukata. Kira wants to scream at his former captain and tell Gin what he has done to him. He wishes he could hate him now in the wake of all that has happened, but he cannot. He sighs and looks away. 'We never had a chance did we, sir?'

Gin knows the truth is rarely pretty. 'I'd like to think we might've.' He offers instead despite knowing that Izuru needs to hear something other than lies. No need in letting that be known even if some would argue that it would lessen any grief his former vice-captain might suffer. He knows Kira well enough to understand that learning the fact that after all this time he really was nothing more that a puppet would break him.

Gin ignores the way the other scoffs very softly at the words.

'I am sorry, Izuru.' Not for what he did, because Gin has no regrets, but for the fact that Kira still clings to some type of loyalty even now after he _knows_ what Ichimaru Gin is. He won't say he's capable of compassion—Aizen stripped that weakness from him years before—but he cannot deny the faint pang he feels and he raises slender fingers at long last to brush against Izuru's cheek. His hand slides further down as to cup the side of Kira's face, thumb moving to tilt his chin up and the boy abruptly steps back away from his reach.

'Don't.' His voice is firm despite knowing that if he stays here much longer he will falter, the defenses he has tried to build around himself quickly giving way in the presence of his former captain.

'Ya'd deny me a last kiss?'

'I'm sure Matsumoto-san will gladly oblige.' It had rarely been an affection used between them, even if he had often longed to feel the other's lips upon his.

'Maa, Izuru's so cruel.'

'Cruel, am I?' Blue eyes narrowed, he stares at Gin. 'How cruelly did you treat me, sir?'

There is a strange look in Ichimaru's eyes as he stares back at Kira now, once more taking Kira's face in his hand. 'I'm not lyin', Izuru, when I say I'm sorry. What I did to ya I ain't got no excuse.' What's worse is the knowledge that he would do it again if given the chance, willing to destroy his most loyal adjutant again and again without hesitation. 'There's nothin' I can do to change it 'cos_ I _can't change.'

'You lie.' Kira murmurs making no attempt to pull away this time as the other tilts his chin upwards to catch his lips in a tentative kiss. He doesn't fight when Gin seeks entrance, his lips parting beneath the other's to grant him access as his former captain presses him against the wall. One hand cupping the side of Kira's cheek, the other twining with fingers as he pins Kira's wrist to the wall, Gin closes whatever small distance remains between the two. Their kissing is frantic, laced with desperation and a type of hopelessness.

Kira pulls away suddenly and shoves Ichimaru off of him. This has brought nothing but reopened wounds and Kira feels in that moment as though all of his resolve is for nothing. Ichimaru Gin is here locked away in the Shrine of Penitence awaiting his execution in only a few short hours and there is nothing in all of the world that can change that. 'I shouldn't have come here.' He turns from Ichimaru then, eyes lowered he feels the prick of tears. 'I was nothing, and yet you were everything ... I can't even save you. Can I never be free of you?'

Gin almost hesitantly smooths his fingertips through blonde hair.

'Don't touch me!' There's an uncommon venom in his voice and Gin backs away, granting him this request as he listens to Kira berate himself softly at his foolishness.

'Go on an' hate me if it makes it any easier. I dun' mind.'

'I don't hate you.'

When the boy finally lifts his eyes to look at his former captain once more, Gin wishes he did. There is so much in those blue eyes that speak of pain and betrayal. He saw that same look in Rangiku's eyes, but there was not so much sorrow. He knows he is to blame; such perfect handiwork, had Aizen survived he would have been grudgingly proud. Gin doesn't have to ask to know that if he could, Kira would take his place here and Gin wonders if he'd try to stop him. It's best it does not come to that.

'Ya should go, Izuru.' He offers him a parody of his former smile. 'Can't have ya here when they come. Might think ya came to save me.'

Kira hesitates for the briefest of moments, words forming and dying on his lips as if searching for some form of goodbye. Instead he turns away to the door without another word leaving Ichimaru Gin alone in darkness once more, awaiting justice and wondering all of what is left unsaid.

_fin_


End file.
